


Shrexual Shronkey Shroyes™ ;))))

by indridcoldduckfucker



Category: Shrek (Movies)
Genre: M/M, shronkey, someone please stop us
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-04
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2019-06-05 01:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15159944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indridcoldduckfucker/pseuds/indridcoldduckfucker
Summary: written by @ifishipititsprobablygay and ii'm so sorry for this sdhjfljkdsaklhfsdg:   )





	Shrexual Shronkey Shroyes™ ;))))

“wOT... R U _DOIN_ … IN MAH _SWAMP_ ,” screamed Shrek.

“OWO HEWWO???? Hewwo, who’s thewe??? Pwease... Mistew Obama…” came a donkeyful voice.

Shrek swaggered into his swamp.

“OWO,” he bellowed manually, “WOT ARE YOU DOING IN MY _SWAMP_??”

“H- HEWWO??” yodelled Donkey in reply, “HEWWO, WHO ARE YOU, SHREK??”

“YOU JUST _SAID_ MY NAME, YOU FURRY _T H O T_ ,” Shrek bellowed at him, toxicly masculine.

Donkey cringed LOL. 

“That was legitness, eksdee,” he said. 

Shrek licked his layorous, moist onion lips ,“ _Mmmm._ ”

He heard Biggie Cheese’s voice in his _soul_ , saying _mmMMHMMMHMMGMHMMMMHMMGMHMGMHMMMHM OH YES WE WILL MMHMMHMGMHM ;) ) )) )))) )._

**Words to live by.**

He knew he could not let Donkey go, ever. His one true love.

“ _Oh?_ ” Donkey greeted him shrexily, spewing moist bile with every word. He was just too shrexy.

“LOVE ME, DAD!” Donkey yodeled yodelfully. Shrek almost mmmmmMMMHMMMMHMMHHHMMMMMMed right then and there, uwu.

“MAN’S NOT HOT,” screeched KUNG POW PENIS (!!!) as he ran past the swamp, before nyooming off into the night.

“I DON’T LOVE YOU,” yeeted Biggie Cheese. (TOP 10 ANIME BETRAYALS - Number Nine will shock you!)

“Oh????” quanched Waluigi. 

“Shut up, Biggie,” mumbled Donkey, his self esteem squanching moistly and thiccly.

Shrek licked his thicc onionY lips again. He couldn’t keep his tongue off of them. _MMmmMmmmmHMMmmhmmmm, m o i s t  b o y e s._

“E H, D O N K E Y,” he yootled in Canadian.

“Let’s go to McDonald’s,” Donkey said smoothly and suavely, like a One Direction stannie. Shrek was _awed_ by his straightness and decided to yeet him through the void. 

Suddenly, they were both at McDonald’s, for some fucking reason. 

(The power of Biggie Cheese.) 

(More on that l8r ;))).)

“So, Donkey, what race are you,” Shrek chortled. 

“Ex _cuse_ me, _B I C T H_ , I feel _attacked_ ,” sniffed Donkey melancholily.

_HI, WELCOME TO CHILI’S._

Welcome to MacDawnald’s… do you want a PHUCKING beesechurger???

P- please… I just want to see my wife again……..

_** C H I N K E N N U N G E T ** _

Shrek ordered a _phucking_ beesechurger. Donkey couldn’t believe it. 

“Shrek, you are a H*T _DEMON_ ,” he shouted, “Order me the PHURGER PHRIES.”

Shrek was turned on by his future husband.

oOOoohoOHOOHOOHoooho ;)))))

He decided to order The Snacc That Smiles Bacc _~~CHILDREN~~_ ((not available in Uganda)).

“Did you know,” said Shrek, seducing Donkey with his knowledge, “you cannot order children in Uganda.”

“Watch me, binch,” Donkey challenged him.

“L*l stop being so soft,” sneerded Shrek.

While they were waiting for their _PHUCKING_ **BEESECHURGERS,** Shrek started rubbing Donkey’s ears. 

“These don’t feel like horse ears,” he observed observantly.

“They’re not horse ears, you coward. I should yeet you right here, right now.”

Just then, McDonald’s employee Drawdiuqs Humanarms yelled, “I have an order for... _THOT?_ ” 

“Oh, that’s us,” said DonkeNOy.

“Not _me_ ,” said Shrek, as he snorked off towards the playplace that was playing Biggie Cheese’s Mr. Boombastic.

He walked up to a child. 

“Did you know, ~~according to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its tiny wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The bee, of course, flies anyway, because bees dont care what humans think is impossible. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow. Black. Yellow. Black. Ooh, black and yellow, shake it up a little. Barry! Breakfast is ready! Coming,~~  it’s Mr. Boombastic, ft. Biggie Cheese, but Biggie Cheese is actually the star of the show,” he told the child.

“Oh,” said the child, “I’m a horse.” 

“It’s a good thing that I love the taste of the snacc that smiles bacc,” continued Shrek, before he just HHHLORPED that kiddo right up.

Then Donkey came ~~oho? ;)))~~ over. 

“I love you, my love,” he confessed. 

“Really?? I love you too,” said Shrek, quakened. 

“GAY,” yelled KUNG POW PENIS, as he nyoomed past them again.

“WOT R U _DOIN_ ,” screamed Shrek. 

Then KUNG POW was gone, once again. Just like a benis. 

“Stay with me? Please,” Donkey said softly.

“I will,” Shrek whispered back.

**repost this and your wish will come true if you don’t your worst week starts now : )**

WALUIGI JUST B U S T E D in with an army of horses, their BENISES _SHOOTING_ out shrexily.

“ _Y E A H, B O  I I I II I,_ ” Shrek wailed like a fucking CHILD, “There is no escape!” 

“Come with me, my love,” said Donkey, as he pulled him towards the playplace to hide from Waluigi’s longest ~~benis~~ _YEAH BOIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII_ ever.

“That was my longest yeah boi ever,” said Waluigi. His benis was filled with rage, bestowed upon him by Biggie Cheese, with his sexual physique, _yeah you know he well built ;))))_. Shrek sPURTED towards the playplace. He had finally decided to sacrifice himself for his one true love uwu (reblog if you believe in love).

He tried to leave the playplace but he could not so he HEFTED his benis and just _SHOT_ IT at Waluigi. 

“I’ve been defeated,” said Waluigi, defeated.

With a battle cry of “TOUCH ME ON THE BACK, _THOT,_ ” Donkey leapt off the playplace and into Shrek’s thicc ogre arms. 

“Top 10 Anime Betrayals,” he murmured, before dying in shrek’s arms, when Larry the cucumber stabbed him.

SUDDENLY, Jod, the fucking COWARD who created _DISTANCE_ appeared. 

“OH, HEWWO THERE,” he skeeted, “I HAVE CO-”

“NOT TODAY, _THOT_ ,” said Larry, with the power of God and anime on his side.

“YOU ARE FAKE NEWS, JOD! BRING BACK THE REAL JOD! YEAH BOIIIIIIIIII _IIIIIII!_ ” 

“Can I succ you?” Shrek murmured to Jod, but it was a _trap_. 

Instead, Shrek _murdured_ jod and brought his beautiful Donkey back to life, owo.

“MY LEGS ARE _DANGLING_ ,” shrieked Donkey. “Oh shit, wait, I’m _alive!_ ” 

Shrek was overjoyed that Donkey had finally spoken his first coherent sentence in this fic. ~~Fourth wall? Quakened.~~

“I love you,” said Donkey.

“Haha, _THOT,_ ” yelled Shrek, shrexily. “I will never love anyone except BIGGIE CHEESE!”

He yeeted off into the night, **“AND NO MMMMMMHMMMHMMGMMHM;)))MMMMMMM-ING IN MY _SWOMP!!!_ ”**

**Author's Note:**

> written by @ifishipititsprobablygay and i
> 
> i'm so sorry for this sdhjfljkdsaklhfsdg
> 
>  
> 
> : )


End file.
